July 31, 2014

sometimes i think there is nothing to fix.  in my mind.  a little confused at times.  i watch it.  

i haven't told adele yet.  i've changed enormously on that subject.  

i think that i am well enough.  now, i want to see it all.  

July 30, 2014

i get drunk every night.  last night, another club.
i don't know why i go into these places.

strip joint.  the drinks were good.  i sat alone.

nobody wanted to talk to you?

i wanted to be alone.  i don't like company when i drink.
i felt like the invisible man.  they seem to forget you. 

so they leave you alone.  where do you look?

i guess i look at the bar most of the time.  the kind of wood.
the rings that glasses make.

arthur, you know your fourth shock treatment is coming up.

i seem to have the blues.

you have fever of the mind.  we can fix that.

July 29, 2014

i look forward to seeing arthur.  

i love him, even when he is given an impossible role.

when i think of chantal, i feel passionate.

she is so new!  so young!  she makes me feel alive.

July 28, 2014

i am going to meet arthur.  we are flesh and blood.

we speak often, but we seldom see each other.

i am lucky that i have been given a strong face.

at times i have been given a weak face.  it changes me.

but i can be this face.  i am this face.

it will change when i least expect it.  it used to change overnight.

arthur is experiencing the same thing.

at times, the change happens so slowly, people barely notice.

i can sense that some see the change.

then i quickly turn away and leave.  never say a thing.

July 27, 2014

the day started off promising.  we were picnicking near the river.

there was man who looked like a tree on top of the barge.

he walked right past us.  

just then the boy on the barge played the accordion. 

if you look to the right there is a wedding procession.

later, we went to a nightclub.

arthur drew aces and eights.

as the sun was coming up,

my face turned into the two women

sitting beside me.

July 26, 2014

what matters most is that it happens in a moment, in a flash.

what is the use of breaking it down?

with the twitch of a muscle, she is turning back to the stage.

don't let her expression fool you.  she decided long ago to love the performance.

July 25, 2014

that artist at the party last night left me in a fog.

she said that she made things.

she never called herself an artist.

i remember her speaking about love.

i see her in my daydream.  she is in the corner of my mirror.  i remember the scene in miniature.

July 24, 2014

she said that she only made things for herself.  she never thought of others looking at them.

she said she may be selfish.  sharing is so difficult at times.
but she said she never thought of that either.

she said that she was vain.  she looked at herself much.  she was not one of us.  she was young.
she will stay young for a time.  then she will be beautiful again.

she never wondered what people saw.  it never entered her mind.  these objects she made
were objects alone.  that was why she loved them.  she lived for love, giving, receiving.
she always chose love.  in spite of it all.  she chose love.

July 22, 2014

you are not!  you are not jealous of chantal!

i don't get jealous here i find.  you must just sound jealous.