the anticipation

to be seen,

and to see

what could be there.

i never wanted you to die.

there is a middle ground.  i can help you in this position.

do what you please.  i am living now.  i have loved before.

you don't seem to take this very seriously.

i think that there is something else.  do i believe that you are death?  i'm skeptical.

i don't particularly scare you, do i?

i have seen you my whole life.  you look the same.  i must be getting used to you.

that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

could i have died before getting shot?  did that all stop while we were caressing?  when i saw
adelle reaching for the gun in her pocket, i was fading fast.  then i heard the shot.  but there was
time in-between the two.  faces appeared out of the darkness, then dimmed like lightning bugs.  

her face lingered the longest out of that darkness.  i knew instantly that she was one of us.
now i think, how could i have felt that way?  i didn't know the concept yet.  i would have
had to be dead at that point.  it was then that i felt the bullet piercing my chest.  i felt
the clean air touching the flesh inside for the first time.    

and then nothing.  how could i have been aware of nothing?  

we met with death shortly after getting shot.

i seem to remember that we lifted right out of our bodies.  very little time passed.

and death was standing there looking at us.

our wounds had vanished.  i looked at you.  you gave me a look back... i am fine.

you smiled.  i smiled back.  it was important for us to know that we could think.

it was a silly thing to do...

playing chess with death.

we lost, of course.

he respected the match.  he threw in a consolation prize.  marvelous.

st. louis.  1948.  i noticed a wallet

on the floor of the bar.

there were two small cards
in the wallet,

and a one hundred dollar bill.
i put the bill in my pocket
and left the wallet
on the bar.